A couple of days ago a boy gave me a present. In the middle of him asking me for candy, I did what I have started to do a lot, ask for something too- he had probably half a deck of cards in his hands. He handed them over and I put them away like I was going to keep them. Being asked fifty times a day for different items, I have looked for different ways to show that just because I am here doesn't mean I need to give you something. So I thought I would hold on to the cards for a minute and see what he did. We talked and played some more, and as I started to leave I remembered the cards and tried to call him over to me to give them back. He called back for me to keep them, it was a present!!! Now I hope you can get the picture of this kid. I can always recognize him, one because I know his face and two because I have only seen him in one shirt the whole time I have been here. He never has on pants or underwear, not sure exactly where he lives but I am sure it is one of the mud/straw huts nearby. I thanked him profusely and left for the day. Then either the next day or the day after that he runs up to me and hands me five goudes- tells me its a present for me! Shortly after I find out he is the older brother of one of my students. One of my students who I am really concerned about- she came to school with a big gash on the top of her head. Turns out her mom had thrown something at her head and caused this injury. Then I found out after that that this mom dances for joy at the death of Christ, at least that is how they described her "faith" So I start getting all this information and all the more it just melts my heart that here this little boy is- with the very little that he has and he is willing to share with me. He is willing to give it away to someone that he believes is rich. It is just so humbling and beautiful.

Jubilee

I really feel that the Lord has been protecting my heart since I have been here. I haven’t felt all there is to feel because if I did it would probably completely overwhelm me. I have been able to stay focused on teaching and working on the school and somehow not break down every time I see the feeding program. But then two days ago it hit me somewhat. I hear “I’m hungry” from enough well-fed looking adults that is starts to harden me about if people are really hungry- I can assume that they really are eating. The collision of this culture and American culture has created this thought that when they see a white person, they are supposed to ask them for something. So in my efforts to fight that thought- I have not given out anything- I tell them I came to teach, not to give things. It has been hard because my desire is to give everything I have- but I am learning that giving someone something is not always helpful to them. So in this journey to seek balance between not creating beggars, and also providing for those in need, I am really struggling to know how to go about it. So up until the other day, I would not give anything, my response when asked was that everything was for the school.

But then there is Daphne. She is twelve years old. She can’t go to school because her mom doesn’t have the money, and she is too old for our classes this year. I ended up starting a whole english class because I wanted her to be getting some sort of education. Then I also started to ask her to come and help out at the school- thinking even exposure to the few things we were doing would be good, plus having extra hands in the school would be extremely helpful. Since she was helping I justified giving her and two other ladies who were helping shirts that a group had donated. The shirt was too big for Daphne but she said she would give it to her mom. A few days later it started to turn cold. There were two babies whose hands and feet were so cold so I found two more of those shirts and wrapped them in them. After that I noticed Daphne looking kind of sad. I asked her what was wrong and she said she was mad. Eventually I pulled it out of her that she was mad at me. I think she sees that Marvins gets special treatment because he lives with Emory and Mary, as well as Kervins. In the middle of trying to figure out why she was mad at me, Predson sticks his head under the tin and starts talking to Daphne. Predson is around five years old and is in the school. He is crying and I am trying to figure out why. I had not known that Predson and Daphne are brother and sister. He is complety naked- which is not uncommon- but it is really cold today. So I tell him to come in the school and that’s when I get it out of them that their mom is not home, and hasn’t been able to give them food for two days. FOR TWO DAYS. and here I am, not giving them any food because I don’t want to start a “problem” of begging. What a jerk. What a huge jerk. I found some crackers and the left overs from an MRE and packed them up for them to take home. I put a shirt on Predson with the instructions that when he got other clothes to put on to give that shirt to Daphne. After they left I just broke down, in my compartmentalizing to protect my heart, I did not see a true need right in front of me. I know they are everywhere- and that I can’t fix everything- that so many people around me are hungry- I still don’t know what to do or how to mourn that and how to help and still be able to function here. I know I can immerse myself in my work and let it distract me completely- but I don’t want that. People need to hurt for these people, I need to share their burdens, not just enjoy all the blessings of this ministry. Twelve year olds shouldn’t have to wipe the tears from a naked five year old because he is hungry. But when it happens, some one else should hurt for them too.

But I also have to go on to say that thankfully it doesn’t end there. Our God is so big and so beautiful. As I sat here writing this, hurting all over again for them, Kervins sat down beside me and started talking about Daphne. He said that she had asked him for some of the cracker he was eating yesterday. He told me that he had said no- but then remembered that I had told him about them not eating- and then he gave her twenty Haitian dollars. Man. Thank you God. Thank you so much God!

So of course I start crying again - and Kevin, in true eleven year old fashion- decides to fart on me to make me stop crying! I guess this is how we do it Lord, we cry, we laugh, boys do disgusting things, we try our best to do what we can, we mess it up, we hurt, and we keep going, because our Hope is bigger than all of it.

Amazing People!

So I have been wanting to talk about this for a while now, but I was afraid that I would leave someone out so I had not done it yet. But I decided that since you guys are awesome enough to have done the things you have done you are also awesome enough to forgive me if I leave you out of this thanks!!! As I have started on this journey it has been absolutely incredible to see the people who have come along side of me and helped me to do what I have set out to do. The prayers, the money, the trips to the store in preparation, the smuggling of certain items, it has been so beautiful to feel the love and support-- even if they think I am crazy for what I am doing!! As I prepared for my trip wonderful people like Mrs. Lisa Bevill, Mr. and Mrs. Cole, Mr. and Mrs. Alloco, Chris and Paige, Jennifer Kovac, Megan and Brian Hendrix, Tim Jones, Adam Pelletier, Matt and Michelle Rait, Sabra and Gary Priester, Sharon Cathey, Katie and Zeke Terrell, Mr. and Mrs. Allen were so awesome to bless me with gifts and supplies to take to Haiti!! Thank you all SO MUCH!!!
My family too are so amazing, my Mama has taken care of so many things I can't even name them all!! She has jumped in and been my state-side handler of affairs! On top of the fact that she has loved me through this extremely difficult time for her! It's not easy to let your kid run off to another country! My Daddy is the same, loving me though all my decisions- even when it looks so crazy to him. When the clock started ticking for me to leave he jumps in with all kinds of supplies- batteries and flashlights, making sure his baby is taken care of!! Then my aunts!!! Oh my Aunts!! Aunt Lynn and Aunt Sabra were in a mad dash with me getting medical supplies and the absolute necessities- like gushers all packed away so I could make my flight in time! Then Nancy Madry joined in the fun and loved on me with gifts and advice!! My brother too! met me in valdosta to bring things I had forgotten or didn't have time to buy before I left! There was also family that have supported me and are supporting me with prayers, advice and with money! Aunt Lynn and Uncle Neil, Aunt Sandra and Uncle Tyron, Chris and Paige, Uncle Buster, thank you all so much for loving on me and the people of Haiti!! I also know I have had some incredible prayer warriors for me, including Ms. Rhonda, Aunt Faren, Mrs. Hurd's church I think!, my World Race team, and I know there are more, please forgive me for not putting you all in here because I am so blessed by each and everyone of you!! I know your prayers over me and over the people of Haiti are really getting God's attention and favor! My heart goes out to my sister, who might be mad that I mention this but has been so amazing for me my whole life, she really is my hero. And for her to have to endure the pain of helping me leave for the place she loves, that is in a time of need when she had to go in the opposite direction- that speaks to how incredible of a woman she really is. Then of course there is Hein- who got me into Haiti!! and took care of me, and always takes care of me! Oh I am such a blessed woman, because the list goes on and on! The people of much ministries are continually taking care of me and supporting me. I just am overwhelmed by God's provision through the people He has put in my life. I had the amazing opportunity to work with a few teams since I have been here. Thank you so much to Ms. Cindy, Ms. Allison, Dr. Karen, Mr. Jim, Mrs. Debbie, Mr. Jeff, Johnathan, Kelly, and Adam who all made incredible contributions to helping me do what I am doing!! Then came John- thank you so much man for everything!! And then more incredible people came, I have been blessed to work with two teams from Omaha Rapid Response- who have done everything from letting me talk to my Mama for the first time, to giving me the shirts off their backs!! Or big scary knives to keep bad guys away! Thanks Greg!! Thank you also Nichole!! You were all such a blessing to me and to Haiti! Thanks too Doc for teaching me! Then I have to talk about Mrs. Stacy Stage, she is one of the most incredible people I have met! She, along with Mr. Don, was working in the UM hospital at the airport and agreed to go out with me to the tent cities and ravine to treat. Not only was it good for my soul to spend time with her but she also taught me so much in the short time we were together- she also gave me her scrubs and what is really huge--a ped's stethoscope- for all you non-medical people, that is a BIG DEAL!! Thank you so much!! Oh, I wish there was a way to really let people know how incredible their involvement has been in this past month and how their actions will allow even more to happen in the future! Just writing this blows my mind again at how beautiful God's family is!!! Thank you all so very much. I know I am not mentioning everyone, I know there have been gifts given that I don't even know about!! And I thank you so much for them and I am sorry I don't know about them yet!! But I am so very grateful!! And I hope that you know that! Thank you for being the Hands and Feet of Christ- it is a beautiful thing to see!

Teaching in Haiti

I have had the pleasure of completing my first week of teaching in Jubilee!! It is a beautiful, incredible, difficult, and exciting experience to teach here. Although teaching again makes me miss all my kids at Skipstone!! It is amazing how God has used that time in my life to prepare me for this time. I recently found out that the Skipstone kids are hearing about what I put on here. It is very exciting to know that you guys are hearing about what is happening in this place. I hope you all know that you have a special place in my heart and that I love you all very much!!

Teaching here has different challenges and different rewards.
I found out the hard way that you have to close EVERYTHING in between use or you have a nice thick layer of dust over all of your materials!
The science shack now feels like a teaching palace compared to the salt flats of Jubilee!
The “playground”/bathroom area is a nightmare for those who know the fecal-oral route of certain disease processes.
At around one o’clock each day the wind starts up, sometimes taking your color chart so far away that a student from the morning class returns with it long after school is over.
Trying to explain the concept of time --even without a language barrier is quite an adventure, so add in the Creole/English divide. . .

The challenges are welcomed though, because the rewards are so beautiful!!- Watching Lorinsena’s eyes light up when she finally remembers what letters are in her name! Seeing Maniackson understand the game of memory! Getting Shelove to finally sit down long enough to practice writing the number 8! Watching Claudiana always know the right answer!! And watching Jamesly, and his toothless grin, as he takes so much care in writing his name perfectly! There are so many more, the day is filled with them! I just keep seeing a generation rising up filled with people who will be able to stand up for their rights because they will have the knowledge to do so!

On the move

I moved to Haiti today. Before today, I have been visiting in Bohoc and in Port Au Prince, but today I came to Gonaives. Well, I guess I still haven’t really moved to Haiti because I have not moved into my place at the school. But I have come to my destination city!! Things have calmed down a little in Port, at least in the areas I was serving. The medical needs are for the most part back to “normal” except for the long term treatments that are needed for some earthquake injuries. Praise the Lord we are still seeing medical teams come in and help and treat and love on these people so we decided it was time that I come to Jubilee and get started here. God’s timing is so perfect- I was beginning not to know my next step, or how I could continue only giving short term care- then at that same time the need came for me to get to the school here. We have lost one of our teachers so Mr. Watson has been trying to handle things all on his own. So Monday morning I will have my first day of class!!! The timing is also perfect because the longer I am here the more I see the change I want to be a part of here. I have absolutely loved getting to care for these people’s needs and injuries, and love on them that way, but the issues I see cut far deeper than any falling block could cause. These people need to know that there is another way to live. Not one that is focused on personal survival, but on living out the love that I see is in their hearts. I can’t think of a better way to spend my time than training up children in a way that teaches that love, not power is the greatest thing of all. Just as I have been realizing that my culture has been feeding me lies that I have thought I had to follow, the Haitian people are dealing with that as well. God is bringing revival to this place!!!! I am so excited that He is letting me get to see it and be a part of it!!!

Wounds

As the broken bones are set, the blood from wounds are washed away, and the rubble is piled high, now starts the time where the deepest wounds are starting to show. I saw the first tears from losing a loved one yesterday. As this man spoke to me about his father, he tried to sing the words of his father’s favorite song, but was unable to finish. He told me that his father was a good man, that his faith was strong. His father had told him that he had nothing to give him but Jesus. As we sat together for those few minutes we tried to be excited for his father, getting to be with Jesus, but the pain of his absence is just so hard. I refuse to even imagine what that must feel like. It is hard enough to be a country away from my family, but to think about a final separation, at least in this world is too much to bear. But I wanted to take time to think about this man, for us all to think about this man, and all these people who are left behind, who lost mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, children. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends. I have never liked the idea of a funeral, but to think of these people who were buried in masses, sometimes without the family even knowing. Some just having to wonder. . .how do you grieve that? How do you comfort through that? I know my God is bigger than all of this, but the pain is here and the pain is real, and then still you have to focus on continuing to survive. Without Jesus in their hearts, I don’t think they will be able to. Jesus I pray revival in this place.

day by day

Each day brings new challenges, new victories, but also new sorrows. Yesterday at six in the morning three people came to tell me that the pregnant woman I saw yesterday was not doing well. I had explained numerous times to them that -- I don't know nothin about birthin no babies!!!--- But despite my urgings, they had not come up with a plan for when the baby started to come. So we put her in the back of the truck and as I held her belly still over bumps and turns I tried to think of anything I could remember about delivering babies in case this baby came before we got the the hospital. Thankfully we got to the hospital and got her back to the "delivery room" but only one person could be with her. I left and went about my day, when I returned home that evening the family ushered me to the tent where she is sleeping and showed me the beautiful baby boy. However, my heart was broken to find out that his brother had passed away. Twins. Victories and sorrows.