Tuesday, December 8, 2009

I'm not sure what is going to come out. . .

As in most things, I like to join in to the new craze about what, 5 years late? I don't know how long blogging has been the thing to do- and I never had the desire. Then two major things happened in my life. One was that I realized my severe insufficiency in communication. I thought it only spanned to being really bad at calling people back. But in fact it is much deeper. When it comes to conveying anything about myself and many times my heart, I have realized I skip over huge parts of my explanations-- which can really lead to confusion. I am beginning to understand why that is, but am still struggling with how to change that. So for the few people that desire to understand what is in my crazy head- this may be helpful, and for me, maybe getting things out here, will help me work out being able to communicate better with the people I love. So that is the weird, self growth reason.

The other reason- which will hopefully be more interesting-- is the fact that I am moving to Haiti in three weeks. As I start to tell friends and family about this decision I realize more and more that this is one of the parts of me that I have only explained half-way and to only some people. I can't understand why people would look at me strange, or on the other side, be impressed when they hear what I'm doing. Then I realized that the reason for both is that I have inadequately shared my heart and the reasons I feel God is leading me to a lifestyle that looks so different from some of the people around me. I also realized why I have been so inadequate--- because there is SO MUCH. My mouth can't keep up with the things that my mind and my heart have experienced. So maybe- one story, one glimpse at my heart at a time, I can unravel the overwhelming collection of beauty and pain that has led me do live the way that I try to.

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