November

Sorry for the huge gap in entries, if you watch the news at all you know there has been quite a lot going on around here. At least that is what they tell me, I have not seen any of this news—only life as it has played out here. The month of November is probably one of great concern to many- well at least the three people that called me eleven hundred times throughout it!! Starting with a cholera scare, then hurricane tomas, followed by actual cholera, the past few weeks have been somewhat. . . something, not quite sure what word should go there, which is part of why I have yet to write about these events. Trying to operate during this time, much less trying to figure out what I am feeling through it all made writing about it a little more than I could handle at the time. So I guess now I can try to go back and tell about it. Don’t know how close it will come to what it all really looked like, but I can only try right?
Hurricane Tomas is the least hard to recount, the adrenaline and little damage made it honestly more of an adventure than a disaster (thank the Lord!) Although parts were heart wrenching, because everything turned out ok in the end, I can look at in a much lighter way than that of the events of cholera. I might as well go ahead and admit my ridiculousness, I think Rachel already ratted us out! When we heard news of the possible hurricane we first dismissed it, (since the hurricanes ALWAYS miss us at home), but as calls from the US became more frequent and I got orders to save all the school papers, we decided we would try and take it seriously at least a little. We put stuff up off the floor in the school, protected our school books, threw some tarps up, and then waited to see what would happen. Thursday night we are waiting and waiting for this big bad storm to show up, and there is not even the nice Jubilee breeze going. So what do we do? We get antsy, we are all geared up for a storm, so we do what any logical human being would do- we walk out to the ocean! We figure if we put on our rain jackets and boots, if it starts up we will have plenty of time to get back home and experience the rest of it! Thankfully we got to enjoy a nice look at the beach without Tomas, and then waited a while longer for it the next day. Friday morning it was only raining a little, but only one student showed up for school. Bless his heart, I think David’s mama would have sent him in the middle of the hurricane! So we ended up having a little party out there with children that were around. We listened to some music and colored and had a really good time goofing off. Then that afternoon Tomas finally graced us with its presence. The rain came, but not a great deal of wind. But slowly people started showing up, drenched looking for a dry place to bring their families. This was when the reality of the situation hit me. It’s pretty messed up, but I forget sometimes all the hardships these families have already faced in the past. So when a man comes to us, with one child, terrified and pleading with us to watch him and let him get the rest of his family, it took me a minute before I understood. I have not been through a flood that has taken away the little bit that I own. I have not had family members and friends swept away, many before anyone even knew. I have no idea what that is like, and therefore no idea what the terror that feels like thinking that it is coming again. So Rachel wrapped up the little boy while his daddy went back out to get Dordeline and all her brothers and sisters. After that it was a rush of trying to get children dry and clothed and comfortable(as possible) to sleep for the night. I think we figured out around 30 or so crammed in to Mr. Watson’s math classroom. After a few attempts we finally were able to keep enough rain out of the windows to give a semi-dry space to sleep. One of my teenagers, Hobenson, was trying to lay on a shelf, with his cast up to his thigh hanging out. So we rearranged and ended up having some space in the clinic to let him and his brother sleep in there. Thank the Lord the rain came but the winds were not too bad. We woke up the next morning to I think a foot and ahalf of water everywhere. Many of my students’ homes were full of water, everyone spent most of the day digging ditches to drain their dirt floors, putting sand inside to lessen the mass amounts of mud everywhere. The air was interesting the next day, everyone buzzing around, just taking what they were delt and doing the best they could with it. It felt almost like a sigh of relief that that was all Tomas had brought. Thankfully everyone had fixed their houses enough that they didn’t even need to come and stay the next night. So that pretty much started phase one of this craziness, still don’t know if I am ready to write about cholera, we will see.

Happy Birthday!

So, instead of reaching in and actually trying to recap or relive the last month- because there is so much, I think I am going to just pull out the most fun day and save the hard stuff for the book( Rachel Greene doesn't know it yet but I have decided since she is a real writer she should tell all those stories while I just get to put in IVs and run around in boots in stormy weather). Those that have been around me anytime lately may have noticed I have been contemplating the idea of righteous anger. Well, actually I have just been getting angry so then it has made me contemplate if it is righteous or not! When I see things that I know hurt God's heart it makes me think to Jesus flipping the tables and putting people in their place! This morning didn't start out like that, it actually started out taking it easy because we had just had a wave of cholera patients and I was actually feeling a little sick. But I was called out onto the porch by two of my friends to see Alberto holding his wife down on the ground with his foot while seemingly trying to rip her arm from her body. Please know there has already been two instances with this man injuring his wife( one just days after she had given birth to his son). So needless to say I already have a particular dislike for this man's behavior- and he is very aware of it. I am learning that in Haitian Culture- or really I only know of Jubilee culture- interfering in "personal" business is not something that people jump into. It is not for lack of concern but what seems to be a feeling of lack of power to change anything. I on the other hand, seem to stick my nose into EVERYTHING so of course I tear out running across the mud flats. By the time I get to him he now has their two month old baby in his hands, Kenzie, who is covered in mud. I take the baby from him and send Emmanuella off with him to bathe and check on him. So by now they are split apart, and he is yelling about her trying to kill his baby. I ask around enough to get the story that basically he had pushed her with the baby in her arms and both had fallen into the trench of mud around their house. So then he attacks her for "trying to kill his baby." He works himself up enough to try and come after her again while I am standing there. Here comes the table flipping- but remember, this has been a reoccurring problem that I haven't quite known what I could do about it. He was already kind of flailing about, obviously weak from trying to kill her just moments before. So when he came back at her, without thinking really, I reached my arm out and grabbed him by the throat and threw him to the ground.

I can't lie to you- I am not a believer in violence usually(Shelby doesn't count) but that was probably the best birthday present ever. Because I have watched the fear in that woman's eyes, and the hurt in her face since I have been here. And getting the chance to put him in his place, to protect her, even just for a moment, was incredible. As he was on the ground I started screaming in his face (in english) that he better stay away from her, I may have said more but I don't actually remember. Anyway,after that I sent him off with one of my guy friends and sent her off with some ladies hoping we could calm down the situation, because having a crowd there, things were just getting revved up even more. Walking back, mud all over me and carrying a machete (after he got back up, a few minutes later he had a machete-don't think he was going to do anything with it, but I took it just in case)I am sure I looked like a crazy person. But I went and checked out the baby, and made sure that it was Alberto that had made the baby fall, not her before giving him back to her. Thankfully this time was serious enough that he moved out and let her stay in the house. I don't know how long it will last, but I was just glad to have the chance to stand up for her, and hopefully let her know that she matters.

For those of you that think I did wrong, yes, I did struggle with it afterwards- had I just made things worse? and how was my reacting in violence any different than his? but the next day, when he showed up bleeding from working outside, and I bandaged his wound, I think he and the community saw that the heart behind it is coming from a very different place. It's not easy to know how to show love here always, I mess it up all the time, but righteous anger I believe sometimes is a part of it. And it may be bad, but I was so thankful to God that He let things happen the way they did. No person should have to live in fear of the ones who are supposed to be loving and caring for them. And having the opportunity to stand up against that really was a great birthday present!

School

Just wanted everyone to know, that kids in Jubilee are reading!! The students from last year are actually starting to READ! amen!

My job

Being in the nursing field already gives you a bit of a twisted sense of what is interesting and what you "like" to do. Because although I hate to see people in pain, the rush of getting to be a part of helping them and getting them what they need so they can get better has this quality about it that I can't really describe. Yesterday my heart broke for this women- she had been stuck in her house since the night before because she had no way to get to the hospital, and could barely walk. While making dinner she spilled boiling water all over the inside of her legs and had been laying in her house ever since. Some friends told me about her so we went over there, and found out no one had taken her to the hospital because she would not be able to get on a motorcycle. So I called up Mr. Beaver and he came to the rescue! As we were driving her to Care Hospital, and i am holding her knee to keep her legs from hitting each other on the bumpy road- I just keep thinking about the fact that this is so easy-just a truck ride and holding someone- but was so impossible in isolation. But you bring the body together and things can be taken care of. The same goes for things that I would not be able to accomplish, but because of my family in Jubilee we make things happen. I can't thank the Lord enough for putting people together to achieve His purposes. It also makes me wonder how much we miss out on when we don't work together- when the body is so disconnected, or when pride says I can do it on my own. The next part of the body working together in reference to Santania is please for you to pray for her. Pray for healing on her legs, for their to be no infection, and above all that she knows that Jesus loves her.

Cliff Notes verson of the past couple of months

I realized that after things start to build, after I have not written down so many incredible stories, it makes it overwhelming to try and go back and recreate it all. So at least for now I decided just to give a short version of things to bring us up to speed! The events of the last few months are almost a blur now, because of all that has gone on, but I am going to try!

Greg, our English teacher for the second part of the year had to go back to the states, so I was back teaching again for a little bit. Hated to see Greg go, but did like getting to be more with the kids again. ( I had stopped teaching and was doing more of the admin. and nursing, and malnutrition program, and just whatever)

Then my sister came!!! And the Lord's timing was perfect, because we worked together on things that could not have happened if she had not been there!! On top of the fact that just spending time with Casey makes my heart so happy!

The parents, Casey, the teachers, and myself all gathered together where the new school is being built to pray over this place and for the children and for the life-changing events we believe will happen here. It was so incredible to sing and pray with them, and to get excited about what God is doing

With the help of some incredible people we pulled off an honors day for the kids with only one day of preparation!! I wish everyone could have seen the pride in the children's faces as they accepted their awards. And then the parents as they talked about how their children have learned and grown over the past year!

Awesome VBS with awesome people and teacher interviews all at the same time!

An unnamed group of individuals performed an overt/covert rescue mission that is ongoing even today.

Youvendjy

Visit home to see friends and family, strange to be back but wonderful to see the people I have been missing. Sadly I didn't get to see everyone, but had an incredible time with the ones I did. Thank you all for being so incredible!!

Headed back, great road trip to Jacksonville to get on the plane. Filled with daddyisms and mellow mushroom! I love my family!

Landed in Haiti, back to continue to fight the fight for Youvendjy, please Lord give us wisdom.

Unfinished blog-- Where your money is going

I found a blog the other day that I had written down on paper but never made it to the computer, so much has been going on since then but I wanted to make sure I put this one down first, because many times I know I don't let everyone know what all is going on around here!

Where your money is going

For those of you who have contributed to the things going on here or who are going to contribute, or are even thinking about it, I realized at midnight tonight that you deserve to know what you are accomplishing through your gifts and the blessings they are providing. Mamas are getting medicine for their sick babies who otherwise couldn't. Two young ladies- who work hard for the Lord don't have to stop going to school because their families can't afford it. They are 12 and 14 and in the 4th grade. When their money runs out, they are sent home from school, and they just have to hope they can start over again the next year. Ashline's Mama now has accountability so where she won't throw objects at her 4 year old's head. 20 children receive breakfast everyday, which makes learning much easier when you don't have to fight the hunger in your stomach. Children who previously had no chance for education are learning with the use of four different languages. A young man doesn't have to stop halfway through his ninth grade for lack of funds. Young boys and girls are getting chances to work to help provide for their families. At the same time promoting pride in their community by cleaning up the area where they live. When a man steps on a nail, working hard for the Lord, you make it possible for him to get the tetanus shot he never would have gotten otherwise. A family of 6 isn't thrown out of their home because they can't pay rent. Three children left home alone when their Mom had gone who knows where, can get food and have support. What you do changes the world. It changes Mirmonde's world, and Hobenson, and Lovemita, and hundreds of hearts that you may never get to see, and it shines God's love to a very dark area. Thank you for what you have done for these people. And thank you for what you have done for me. I hope you all know how much I love and appreciate you.

Beach front property

So after my Mama has yelled at me enough, I figure it is about time I write on here again!!! I think I have said before, I forget anyone would actually read this! Anyway, one of the reasons for the long absence is that I have finally moved into my apartment/condo/room/mansion- how ever you would like to call it- in Jubilee. And I love it SO SO SO much! For those of you who have been afraid for me living out there, I wish I could describe to you the sense of community I feel out there with the people- they love on me as much or more than I love on them! It is so beautiful how things are going out there, the only problem I am having is when I have to tell kids they need to go home so I can get some work done!!! (Rachel- it is like a constant repeat of saturday mornings on oak street- except no spiderman!!!! And I don't know how to say 'peanut butter and jelly head' in Creole)

I invited two of the girls that help me in the school to spend the night with me one night- Lovemita and Nerlande, and when I asked them what they wanted to do-- they said math! So we did math problems on a friday night! Funny, but cool that there is this desire to learn. Many of my kids around the 14yr age are still in around 4th grade because many times they can't finish the year for lack of money and then have to repeat the same one over. But after math, we watched a movie, and that was a great treat for them!

My Mama gave me instructions to write about living out there- so here is what my life is like there. I get up around 6, many times to the shouts of my kids who are already at school waiting for it to start, them telling me to come down becausethey want to see me. The commute to the school is pretty rough-- down the latter and about 15 steps! Before last week, going to the "bathroom" meant a hole out behind some piles of dirt, that from pretty much at least one direction people can see me. But that is another great story about how God wires and prepares different people, because its not a big deal to me- camping trips with Daddy prepared me for this! And like I told Mama, it even fits me better, because I don't like having to clean the bathroom!!! However, in response to having my playground also be used as a toilet for the community, we are blessed as of last week to have had a nonconventional latrine built! Thank you Mr. Emory, Mr. Joe, and Boss mason! Now I just have to teach people to use it!!

My day pretty much works the same, except I have axcess to all my stuff all day since it is right there. And then after school when I do some other random work, I usually have around four or six people chilling at my house, playing a form of jacks, or helping me clean up. They usually want to go get water for me, sweep, wash my dishes. It was really hard for me at first, having people do things like that for me. But when I made the mistake of telling Lovemita she didn't have to do that- I insulted her. Because the way she explained it was that I was helping her and the people here and this was the way she could help me, and it hurt her for me not to want that. So through this there is a lot of learning going on on both sides about loving and serving and trying to do things in ways that honor each other, and lift each other up. It is humbling and hard and truly incredible.

Nighttime in Jubilee is so beautiful. You can see the stars because there is hardly any lights out there, even if government power is on. Being up high I get an incredible breeze! And from my porch I can see the ocean and the mountains, it is unbelievable the amount of beauty in even the darkest places.

Can I just say that my life is SO GOOD?! Which is surprising that I feel that way as I live in a third world country surrounded by poverty, hunger, and sickness. But praise God that is not what I see every day when I go to work. What I see is 44 beautiful little children that I get to play with and love on and bandage their cuts and scrapes. Two hundred more who I get to see at least eat one meal a day and who call me by name just to have me look their way. I get to hold children that I know need a hug. I get to have the peace of knowing I am doing what God made me to do. It is still difficult because I constantly fall short- especially when I try to do it on my own strength. And I get frustrated at dumb things, but then Stanley grabs me by the hand and all is good in the world again. Over the weekend I actually miss my kids!!! I look back on all the parts of my life before this and I see how beautifully God put it all together to prepare me for what I am doing now. Leading up to now I always had this feeling- I don't know if I can describe it- of having this type of life I wanted to live that didn't really fit where I was. So I kept waiting and waiting to get to live that way and I feel like I am actually doing it now! I still have a feeling of lots of things I wish I could be doing as well or things I wish I was doing better, but I don't have the guilt that I had before of not living the way I felt I was made to live. On top of that, all the small weird things about me that I thought would make life harder for me- fit perfectly into the life that I have here. Wow, how is it that God is THAT good?!?!?! Now the only major drawback is that I don't have the people I love so much around me everyday. But I have their support, and love, and prayers, what more could I ask for! Well that, and an occasional trip to get my hugs in!!! Thank you so much, all the people that are making it possible for me to do what I am doing. I can't express to you enough how incredible you are!!!

A day in the life. . .

What today looked like-
5:00 wake up, not because I have to, this morning I think it was to call my Daddy!
5:20 read the Bible and pray- ok so this only happens at this time maybe twice ever- and only on Thursdays- for some reason I am a better Christian on Thursdays.
6:00 talked to my AMAZING Daddy! I sure miss his hugs!
6:20 pancakes and eggs-Emory is awesome!
6:30 gather up anything I can think of to take to the school or for the community- today it was fluconazole, tylenol, kleenex, tiny plastic bags, and some crackers.
7:00 look for the keys to the motorcycle that Greg is claiming he gave to me!
7:10 bumpy ride to Jubilee Blanc- Greg likes to hit every bump just to see how many times I will have to replace the tire!
7:25 unlock the school, cabinets, and foot lockers- start washing hands and giving out crackers to our 21 students in the morning!
7:40 fuss at children for coming in the classroom when they know they are supposed to eat in the other room
7:45 help kids brush their teeth and let them look at books until school starts
8:00 rush the slow eaters into the classroom, tell Daniela for the 12th time to sit down
8-10 testing kids individually, excited when Rachel knows almost every sound for each letter! Sad when others don't
--with breaks every now and then to bandage bleeding heads or pull out splinters
10-11 typing a Kreyol report card- that was a first!
11-12- LUNCH IN JUBILEE- I can't begin to describe that part- a mixture of incredible joy, extreme sadness, and when my guys don't help me- intense aggravation!! I will spend a whole blog on lunch in Jubilee some other time
12:30 afternoon class is settled in, check on the work I have the little boys outside doing- picking up trash with no end in sight!
12:45 potty break and visit my guys working on the new school outside, make fun of the one I always see propped on his shovel- while he tells me how hard he is working!
12:50 kiss a dirty naked baby who is just standing around
1:00 teach Bien-Edson, Sonson, Judson, and Josbens for the first time ever how to play a memory game on the computer
--- blown away by how fast they can pick it up-
Lickson sleeps in my lap while I watch the excitement as Daniel, Yolanda, and Titonton type their names for the first time ever!
1:45- another pus-filled sore to clean up and then its outside for RECESS!!
Mobbed by children I haven't gotten to see much today because I haven't been in the classroom, Ashline lays on me, Claudia gives me kisses, girls behind me braid my hair
2:40 try to finish the report card, instead have to do prinipal duties- Stanley te fe dezod anko. After trying all I could to get around it, end up having to take him home, as we get closer his grip is tighter and tighter. Explaing the whole way that he is too smart to act up in class and that I didn't want to take him home but if he can't listen it was what I had to do.
3:00 Mama and Daddy aren't home, so I say we will wait for them--uncle shows up and spanks him while I am there- I hate it so bad I have to intervine--that is enough.
He hides behind me and grabs my hand in his- breaks my heart- so I take him back to school with me- I don't want him to get it a second time with his parents.
4:00 Watson takes him back home to make sure they know his punishment is over and we will try again tomorrow
4:15 AS I gather my stuff up, a dance party breaks out in the classroom- I teach them to shag to Run it Run it and Word up! Greg busts out for all to enjoy!
4:30 give out some more meds, put away all the school stuff
4:45 pull Daniela off the motorcycle so we can go home
5-7 finish report card, hang out with the boys, checkers and name calling,
7 wonderful dinner with wonderful people
7:45 wrestling with Marvins and Kervens, Fritzno is pouting
8:30shower- but not sure why I bother to wash my feet
8:50 crunch some numbers with Marvins, he is a business man now
9:20 sit at the computer and write an incredibly boring account of an absolutely incredible day!
- That probably wasn't even half of it, but its a glimpe of what my days are like

Communion

I don't think I have ever had a more beautiful communion than I did yesterday in the salt flats of Jubilee. It all started cause I had to pee. Very holy right? Seriously though, I was going out to my spot behind the piles of dirt when I saw that the 20 men working on the new school were all out there. So I start to do an about face and find somewhere else to go when Jackieby yells to me- li bon, ou Ayisyen, ou ka fe- its good, you are Haitian, you can go there! So I head back there and do my thing, and they just keep on working- so now I believe I am officially Haitian! Anyway, I start to walk back and these guys are going at this work, digging for these huge foundations in the heat of the day when I realize they probably aren't drinking any water. So I get some money to Jackieby so he can get some water for everyone and after that just kind of forgot about it. A while later someone calls me and says someone needs me outside. So I head out to where they are working and Jackieby asks me if I like juice and hands me a bowl and tells me its for me. And then he gives me this piece of bread and tells me that he had enough for everyone to get some. So here I am standing with all these men who are working so hard and they ask me to come and share in this bread and juice as they tell me - this will help us work hard now for you. I don't have the words to really describe that moment, but I can tell you it was one of the most amazing moments I have had in Haiti. Then the kids came around and they start sharing with all the kids they could. This is what we were created for- community within the body. Casey challenged me one time, talking about what communion could really be like compared to how we do it now, and now I know. And it is beautiful.

Sometimes shedding someone's blood is the only way to help them and sometimes shedding your own is the only way to love them.

I don't want to neglect all the beautiful things going on here, but once again I start to write and all that can come to mind is the little boy's face- His name was Mejlin, he was ten years old, and he had some sort of developmental delay. He got away from his family two mornings ago and went out to the ocean, they searched for hours and hours and finally found him after he had drowned. I had only talked with him a couple of times, but two of his sisters help me out in the school. I tried to love on the two girls the best I could, but there are no good words even when there isn't a language barrier. I went to see the family and got to pray with them and thank Jesus that he isn't sick anymore and he won't be hungry or hurting again, but I can't imagine what that Mama is feeling right now. I think I understood what they told me was that he was too young for them to put him in the morgue, so the little boy was in a little shack in the back of their house. I don't think death has ever felt so real or so unreal all at the same time. Please pray for this family, for Nerlande and Lovemita- and their other sisters as well.

I watched a girl wipe up peanut butter off the floor today to eat it. And I am not talking the kitchen floor that gets lysol twice a day. I am talking about a concrete slab where a hundred kids walk with their bare feet after they walk through the mud and other things. It is one thing to see a child pick up rice that fell, but to wipe up this tiny bit of peanut butter- I don't even have words

Easter in Jubilee

Although today I did miss helping my little cousins hunt eggs and the big dinner with all the family, last night with my other family was absolutely incredible. I must say is was probably the closest thing to actually honoring the true reason for this holiday that I have ever done for Easter. Last night we gathered up some equipment and went out to Jubilee and showed the Passion of the Christ on the side of the school/feeding center. We must have had at least a hundred people gathered around watching the story of what Christ did for us. What was even more incredible was that it meant at least a hundred people in Gonaives was not out celebrating "satan's victory over Jesus" instead! I didn't think I would be able to watch that movie again, and the second time hurt just as much as the first. But watching it with all these people, all of us getting to have an idea of the sacrifice that was made for us, and seeing the power of that sacrifice, it was incredible.

Rain Boots

So I had to cancel school on Friday, which was sad but also a blessing! (Cause I got to go back and see my sister a little longer!) But anyways, just thought I would throw the idea out that if anyone wants to donate 42 pairs of rain boots for 5 year olds then we could still have class even when it rains!! In case you haven't seen pictures, the area around my school turns into a giant mud pit when the rain comes!

A couple of days ago a boy gave me a present. In the middle of him asking me for candy, I did what I have started to do a lot, ask for something too- he had probably half a deck of cards in his hands. He handed them over and I put them away like I was going to keep them. Being asked fifty times a day for different items, I have looked for different ways to show that just because I am here doesn't mean I need to give you something. So I thought I would hold on to the cards for a minute and see what he did. We talked and played some more, and as I started to leave I remembered the cards and tried to call him over to me to give them back. He called back for me to keep them, it was a present!!! Now I hope you can get the picture of this kid. I can always recognize him, one because I know his face and two because I have only seen him in one shirt the whole time I have been here. He never has on pants or underwear, not sure exactly where he lives but I am sure it is one of the mud/straw huts nearby. I thanked him profusely and left for the day. Then either the next day or the day after that he runs up to me and hands me five goudes- tells me its a present for me! Shortly after I find out he is the older brother of one of my students. One of my students who I am really concerned about- she came to school with a big gash on the top of her head. Turns out her mom had thrown something at her head and caused this injury. Then I found out after that that this mom dances for joy at the death of Christ, at least that is how they described her "faith" So I start getting all this information and all the more it just melts my heart that here this little boy is- with the very little that he has and he is willing to share with me. He is willing to give it away to someone that he believes is rich. It is just so humbling and beautiful.

Jubilee

I really feel that the Lord has been protecting my heart since I have been here. I haven’t felt all there is to feel because if I did it would probably completely overwhelm me. I have been able to stay focused on teaching and working on the school and somehow not break down every time I see the feeding program. But then two days ago it hit me somewhat. I hear “I’m hungry” from enough well-fed looking adults that is starts to harden me about if people are really hungry- I can assume that they really are eating. The collision of this culture and American culture has created this thought that when they see a white person, they are supposed to ask them for something. So in my efforts to fight that thought- I have not given out anything- I tell them I came to teach, not to give things. It has been hard because my desire is to give everything I have- but I am learning that giving someone something is not always helpful to them. So in this journey to seek balance between not creating beggars, and also providing for those in need, I am really struggling to know how to go about it. So up until the other day, I would not give anything, my response when asked was that everything was for the school.

But then there is Daphne. She is twelve years old. She can’t go to school because her mom doesn’t have the money, and she is too old for our classes this year. I ended up starting a whole english class because I wanted her to be getting some sort of education. Then I also started to ask her to come and help out at the school- thinking even exposure to the few things we were doing would be good, plus having extra hands in the school would be extremely helpful. Since she was helping I justified giving her and two other ladies who were helping shirts that a group had donated. The shirt was too big for Daphne but she said she would give it to her mom. A few days later it started to turn cold. There were two babies whose hands and feet were so cold so I found two more of those shirts and wrapped them in them. After that I noticed Daphne looking kind of sad. I asked her what was wrong and she said she was mad. Eventually I pulled it out of her that she was mad at me. I think she sees that Marvins gets special treatment because he lives with Emory and Mary, as well as Kervins. In the middle of trying to figure out why she was mad at me, Predson sticks his head under the tin and starts talking to Daphne. Predson is around five years old and is in the school. He is crying and I am trying to figure out why. I had not known that Predson and Daphne are brother and sister. He is complety naked- which is not uncommon- but it is really cold today. So I tell him to come in the school and that’s when I get it out of them that their mom is not home, and hasn’t been able to give them food for two days. FOR TWO DAYS. and here I am, not giving them any food because I don’t want to start a “problem” of begging. What a jerk. What a huge jerk. I found some crackers and the left overs from an MRE and packed them up for them to take home. I put a shirt on Predson with the instructions that when he got other clothes to put on to give that shirt to Daphne. After they left I just broke down, in my compartmentalizing to protect my heart, I did not see a true need right in front of me. I know they are everywhere- and that I can’t fix everything- that so many people around me are hungry- I still don’t know what to do or how to mourn that and how to help and still be able to function here. I know I can immerse myself in my work and let it distract me completely- but I don’t want that. People need to hurt for these people, I need to share their burdens, not just enjoy all the blessings of this ministry. Twelve year olds shouldn’t have to wipe the tears from a naked five year old because he is hungry. But when it happens, some one else should hurt for them too.

But I also have to go on to say that thankfully it doesn’t end there. Our God is so big and so beautiful. As I sat here writing this, hurting all over again for them, Kervins sat down beside me and started talking about Daphne. He said that she had asked him for some of the cracker he was eating yesterday. He told me that he had said no- but then remembered that I had told him about them not eating- and then he gave her twenty Haitian dollars. Man. Thank you God. Thank you so much God!

So of course I start crying again - and Kevin, in true eleven year old fashion- decides to fart on me to make me stop crying! I guess this is how we do it Lord, we cry, we laugh, boys do disgusting things, we try our best to do what we can, we mess it up, we hurt, and we keep going, because our Hope is bigger than all of it.

Amazing People!

So I have been wanting to talk about this for a while now, but I was afraid that I would leave someone out so I had not done it yet. But I decided that since you guys are awesome enough to have done the things you have done you are also awesome enough to forgive me if I leave you out of this thanks!!! As I have started on this journey it has been absolutely incredible to see the people who have come along side of me and helped me to do what I have set out to do. The prayers, the money, the trips to the store in preparation, the smuggling of certain items, it has been so beautiful to feel the love and support-- even if they think I am crazy for what I am doing!! As I prepared for my trip wonderful people like Mrs. Lisa Bevill, Mr. and Mrs. Cole, Mr. and Mrs. Alloco, Chris and Paige, Jennifer Kovac, Megan and Brian Hendrix, Tim Jones, Adam Pelletier, Matt and Michelle Rait, Sabra and Gary Priester, Sharon Cathey, Katie and Zeke Terrell, Mr. and Mrs. Allen were so awesome to bless me with gifts and supplies to take to Haiti!! Thank you all SO MUCH!!!
My family too are so amazing, my Mama has taken care of so many things I can't even name them all!! She has jumped in and been my state-side handler of affairs! On top of the fact that she has loved me through this extremely difficult time for her! It's not easy to let your kid run off to another country! My Daddy is the same, loving me though all my decisions- even when it looks so crazy to him. When the clock started ticking for me to leave he jumps in with all kinds of supplies- batteries and flashlights, making sure his baby is taken care of!! Then my aunts!!! Oh my Aunts!! Aunt Lynn and Aunt Sabra were in a mad dash with me getting medical supplies and the absolute necessities- like gushers all packed away so I could make my flight in time! Then Nancy Madry joined in the fun and loved on me with gifts and advice!! My brother too! met me in valdosta to bring things I had forgotten or didn't have time to buy before I left! There was also family that have supported me and are supporting me with prayers, advice and with money! Aunt Lynn and Uncle Neil, Aunt Sandra and Uncle Tyron, Chris and Paige, Uncle Buster, thank you all so much for loving on me and the people of Haiti!! I also know I have had some incredible prayer warriors for me, including Ms. Rhonda, Aunt Faren, Mrs. Hurd's church I think!, my World Race team, and I know there are more, please forgive me for not putting you all in here because I am so blessed by each and everyone of you!! I know your prayers over me and over the people of Haiti are really getting God's attention and favor! My heart goes out to my sister, who might be mad that I mention this but has been so amazing for me my whole life, she really is my hero. And for her to have to endure the pain of helping me leave for the place she loves, that is in a time of need when she had to go in the opposite direction- that speaks to how incredible of a woman she really is. Then of course there is Hein- who got me into Haiti!! and took care of me, and always takes care of me! Oh I am such a blessed woman, because the list goes on and on! The people of much ministries are continually taking care of me and supporting me. I just am overwhelmed by God's provision through the people He has put in my life. I had the amazing opportunity to work with a few teams since I have been here. Thank you so much to Ms. Cindy, Ms. Allison, Dr. Karen, Mr. Jim, Mrs. Debbie, Mr. Jeff, Johnathan, Kelly, and Adam who all made incredible contributions to helping me do what I am doing!! Then came John- thank you so much man for everything!! And then more incredible people came, I have been blessed to work with two teams from Omaha Rapid Response- who have done everything from letting me talk to my Mama for the first time, to giving me the shirts off their backs!! Or big scary knives to keep bad guys away! Thanks Greg!! Thank you also Nichole!! You were all such a blessing to me and to Haiti! Thanks too Doc for teaching me! Then I have to talk about Mrs. Stacy Stage, she is one of the most incredible people I have met! She, along with Mr. Don, was working in the UM hospital at the airport and agreed to go out with me to the tent cities and ravine to treat. Not only was it good for my soul to spend time with her but she also taught me so much in the short time we were together- she also gave me her scrubs and what is really huge--a ped's stethoscope- for all you non-medical people, that is a BIG DEAL!! Thank you so much!! Oh, I wish there was a way to really let people know how incredible their involvement has been in this past month and how their actions will allow even more to happen in the future! Just writing this blows my mind again at how beautiful God's family is!!! Thank you all so very much. I know I am not mentioning everyone, I know there have been gifts given that I don't even know about!! And I thank you so much for them and I am sorry I don't know about them yet!! But I am so very grateful!! And I hope that you know that! Thank you for being the Hands and Feet of Christ- it is a beautiful thing to see!

Teaching in Haiti

I have had the pleasure of completing my first week of teaching in Jubilee!! It is a beautiful, incredible, difficult, and exciting experience to teach here. Although teaching again makes me miss all my kids at Skipstone!! It is amazing how God has used that time in my life to prepare me for this time. I recently found out that the Skipstone kids are hearing about what I put on here. It is very exciting to know that you guys are hearing about what is happening in this place. I hope you all know that you have a special place in my heart and that I love you all very much!!

Teaching here has different challenges and different rewards.
I found out the hard way that you have to close EVERYTHING in between use or you have a nice thick layer of dust over all of your materials!
The science shack now feels like a teaching palace compared to the salt flats of Jubilee!
The “playground”/bathroom area is a nightmare for those who know the fecal-oral route of certain disease processes.
At around one o’clock each day the wind starts up, sometimes taking your color chart so far away that a student from the morning class returns with it long after school is over.
Trying to explain the concept of time --even without a language barrier is quite an adventure, so add in the Creole/English divide. . .

The challenges are welcomed though, because the rewards are so beautiful!!- Watching Lorinsena’s eyes light up when she finally remembers what letters are in her name! Seeing Maniackson understand the game of memory! Getting Shelove to finally sit down long enough to practice writing the number 8! Watching Claudiana always know the right answer!! And watching Jamesly, and his toothless grin, as he takes so much care in writing his name perfectly! There are so many more, the day is filled with them! I just keep seeing a generation rising up filled with people who will be able to stand up for their rights because they will have the knowledge to do so!

On the move

I moved to Haiti today. Before today, I have been visiting in Bohoc and in Port Au Prince, but today I came to Gonaives. Well, I guess I still haven’t really moved to Haiti because I have not moved into my place at the school. But I have come to my destination city!! Things have calmed down a little in Port, at least in the areas I was serving. The medical needs are for the most part back to “normal” except for the long term treatments that are needed for some earthquake injuries. Praise the Lord we are still seeing medical teams come in and help and treat and love on these people so we decided it was time that I come to Jubilee and get started here. God’s timing is so perfect- I was beginning not to know my next step, or how I could continue only giving short term care- then at that same time the need came for me to get to the school here. We have lost one of our teachers so Mr. Watson has been trying to handle things all on his own. So Monday morning I will have my first day of class!!! The timing is also perfect because the longer I am here the more I see the change I want to be a part of here. I have absolutely loved getting to care for these people’s needs and injuries, and love on them that way, but the issues I see cut far deeper than any falling block could cause. These people need to know that there is another way to live. Not one that is focused on personal survival, but on living out the love that I see is in their hearts. I can’t think of a better way to spend my time than training up children in a way that teaches that love, not power is the greatest thing of all. Just as I have been realizing that my culture has been feeding me lies that I have thought I had to follow, the Haitian people are dealing with that as well. God is bringing revival to this place!!!! I am so excited that He is letting me get to see it and be a part of it!!!

Wounds

As the broken bones are set, the blood from wounds are washed away, and the rubble is piled high, now starts the time where the deepest wounds are starting to show. I saw the first tears from losing a loved one yesterday. As this man spoke to me about his father, he tried to sing the words of his father’s favorite song, but was unable to finish. He told me that his father was a good man, that his faith was strong. His father had told him that he had nothing to give him but Jesus. As we sat together for those few minutes we tried to be excited for his father, getting to be with Jesus, but the pain of his absence is just so hard. I refuse to even imagine what that must feel like. It is hard enough to be a country away from my family, but to think about a final separation, at least in this world is too much to bear. But I wanted to take time to think about this man, for us all to think about this man, and all these people who are left behind, who lost mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, children. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends. I have never liked the idea of a funeral, but to think of these people who were buried in masses, sometimes without the family even knowing. Some just having to wonder. . .how do you grieve that? How do you comfort through that? I know my God is bigger than all of this, but the pain is here and the pain is real, and then still you have to focus on continuing to survive. Without Jesus in their hearts, I don’t think they will be able to. Jesus I pray revival in this place.

day by day

Each day brings new challenges, new victories, but also new sorrows. Yesterday at six in the morning three people came to tell me that the pregnant woman I saw yesterday was not doing well. I had explained numerous times to them that -- I don't know nothin about birthin no babies!!!--- But despite my urgings, they had not come up with a plan for when the baby started to come. So we put her in the back of the truck and as I held her belly still over bumps and turns I tried to think of anything I could remember about delivering babies in case this baby came before we got the the hospital. Thankfully we got to the hospital and got her back to the "delivery room" but only one person could be with her. I left and went about my day, when I returned home that evening the family ushered me to the tent where she is sleeping and showed me the beautiful baby boy. However, my heart was broken to find out that his brother had passed away. Twins. Victories and sorrows.

the other side

It is very strange being on the other end of need. I have been pretty disconnected from my family and friends in the states since I have been here. So I looked forward to the airport trip where they said I would have internet access to let everyone know what is going on. Granted this is almost non-comparable because this is so trivial compared to food and water, but being on the asking side- having to endure being turned down by people that have the resources to share with me what I need, but unwilling to do so-- whether for legitimate reasons or not, is a painful thing. So here I am, sitting here, unable to do the very thing I came to this airport for, trying not to resent the people who will not give me the security code so I can send word to my family. It brings a whole new revelation to me about the people I have to turn away because I don’t have something or I don’t know if it should go to them. Whether their needs are legitimate or not, what that must feel like to have that rejection, and what that says to them about the Jesus I represent. I don’t know exactly what to do with that information, but there is probably something to it.

Haiti update

Sorry for the non comm but I just don’t have access. I made it to Port on Wednesday I think it was, my days are running together. I gave a three year old my watch so I’m not keeping up so well! Since then I have been helping with clinics every day with Dr. Karen and her wonderful team. We have also walked through tent cities and the ravine giving care. Yesterday we went to pastor Cena’s area and treated people there. I picked pieces of block out of wounds that happened the day of the first earthquake. There are still countless people that have not been treated at all for the injuries they received. Others have received some care- but not to the extent they needed- a bandaid for a fracture, no antibiotics for a man with his skull showing, the needs are so great and the resources so few. But still God is showing His glory. He is bringing renewal to this place. The very foundations have been shaken but He is moving in this place.

Honestly I am almost afraid to write. Which is weird because I’m not afraid of an earthquake, I am not afraid of gunshots or getting in the middle of people’s panic, but I am afraid to write and process this. There is so much hurt, and so much pain, and even in the middle of it I feel that I am forcing myself to keep my heart at a safe distance. Every now and then something, or someone pierces through but for the most part I am afraid to let myself really feel all that is here because I am afraid that I can’t bear it. Maybe this is the way God is protecting me, or maybe it is wrong that I am so shut off. But what I do know is that I am blessed to be here and be a part of the amazing things that are happening here now.

When I was in Bohoc a blanc chased a man down the road to bring him back to show me the tiny baby in his arms. His name is Judson and he is eleven months old. But he also weighed eleven pounds. They brought him because he had a cough and was looking worse and worse. I tried to get information from the man but it turned out he was the grandfather and he had just received his daughter and this baby from Port au Prince into his home. She had been injured in the earthquake but the baby had not, so we went to her house to find out more about Judson. This little baby had been living in the hospital for three months because the mother got sick and her milk stopped. So when the earthquake hit she got him and brought him to bohoc. We took him back to HAFF(Haitian American Friendship Foundation) and fed him milk with sugar--that’s how he likes it! and something along the lines of grits, I don’t remember the name. I held him and rocked him and before long he had perked right up! He was not as lethargic and was checking out everything! When we took him back to his house we gave instructions along with food to make sure they worked on re-hydrating and feeding him properly. We also talked to them about the importance of just loving on him and rocking him. The family was very excited to play a part in taking care of this baby. Even still, handing him back and walking away was one of the toughest things I had to do. But of course it brought about even more revelation about how God is working through this. If that baby had continued to live in that hospital, he would have likely died of malnourishment. But because of this earthquake, that baby got to a place with family who will love and hold him, and resources right down the road which will make sure he has food and milk. God is showing us daily that He truly brings beauty for ashes.

Up to Speed

For anyone who is looking here for information about what is going on, I am so sorry- power has been so limited that I have only been putting small updates on facebook. Hopefully the power situation will be different soon and I will be able to share all that I am seeing and that God is doing. For better information as of now-- please look at muchministries.org. To give some brief info-- It was such a God thing that I was able to get into the country. I am up in the central plateau, where there was no real damage from the earthquake but where we are receiving refugees by the truck load. We are praying that they can be absorbed into the community here and that the resources here will be able to provide for them. The people I am working with have been taking trucks into port to bring people out. We have done clinic for two days- taking care of people here to comfort them and seeing some people from Port. One of the orphans here, Belinda, had a seizure and we rushed her to the hospital. Please pray for her that they figure out what is going on. I will tell you more about her and another little boy, that came from Port who we got a chance to love on later. There is so much and time is limited but please know that Haiti NEEDS your prayers. There is so much pain and hurt, But I see God working through it all with every step. That is one thing that I am so blessed to see- on the news you probably see all the destruction but I don't know if you get to see the way people are pulling together and the way God is moving in such a huge way. I hope to get to share that with you soon. I love you all so much and I am so blessed to have support from the States helping me do what I am getting to do.

Earthquake in Haiti

Lord, my hands and feet are useless right now. I can't comfort anyone who can't find a loved one, or provide medical care to anyone who is injured. I can't physically do anything for the people of Haiti right this moment. But what I can do is lift them up to you. Lord you are the Author and Creator, and these are your children. Please Lord take care of these children in this even more horrific time of need. Lord I pray your provision during this time. Please shower them with your comfort, peace, strength, endurance, mercy and love. Lord please help the people in the middle of this earthquake. Help them to find their families, get care for the injured, and help us know how we can help. Lord you are bigger than all of this, I know you will bring good out of this some how. Lord please wrap your arms around this whole country.