So I was laying here, about to take a nap when an old worship song came on and I instantly started missing the ministry I used to be a part of years back. Nostalgia tends to hit me every so often and I miss old days. But two things caught my attention. One was that the worship song shouldn't remind me of what I was doing, but Who I was doing it for! So I tried to get my heart right and then the second thing popped up. I looked out of my window and can see at least 10 children I have the honor and privledge to serve for my God. I also looked out and remembered, yeah those old days were great, but what I get to do now is pretty awesome!!! So then I start thinking about how God works and how he brought me to this place and a memory from my childhood popped into my head. Do you remember those old commercials where Sally somebody with big hair asks you to send money to help starving children and then it cuts to adorable distended bellied babies? I distinctly remember seeing those commercials as a child and in my mind I saw myself personally handing canned food to that old man or child. It didn't click anything for me, I didn't think as a child, oh that is what I'm going to do, or anything, but even as a child, my mind went straight to- doing it directly, not sending Sally money to do it. It makes me wonder now if even from a child God was planting things in me to guide me to where I would end up. I mean I know He does but it's just wild to me to actually think of one that at the time didn't have any real meaning to me, but to think of it now and what my, goodness, 8 year old self pictured. I guess I just think that is kinda neat. Not sure why I wanted to write about it, but here it is!

Aunt Lynn Grabe

My Aunt Lynn is gone. Of course she will always be in my heart but right now I am dealing with the fact that I will not see her anymore. The woman who did my hair and makeup for all sorts of events, the woman who taught me how to play solitaire, the woman whose hairstyles probably shaped the world! I miss her. I miss doing puzzles until three o'clock in the morning with her. I miss laughing with her. I miss that chimney-smoking, shit-talking, amazing, loving woman. Thinking about her life and who she is, the thing I always come back to is when I was a kid. Whenever I was sick she would come over and bring me a coloring book or some candy, she cares for people and loves them in such a beautiful way. Because as a child it was "cool, toys!" And as an adult I know it was "hey I love you and I hate that you feel bad" She is a very important person in my life, she helped form who I am, even my name! I don't know if she knew how important she was in my life, but I hope so. I'm so thankful for the month I had with her at Christmas, it was such a blessing to me, reconnecting with her. I had already started to mourn the old days of playing at her house and trips to the coast. That time gave me new memories and joy with her, even through the hardships of cancer. And another chance to cuss at blue puzzle pieces together. That woman amazes me, she is the only person I know that kicked cancer's butt in the way that it became an additive to her life, not a detraction. I don't know how to deal with the finality of this. The fact that I am not to have another single moment with her. But I know what I do have is precious, the memory of moments shared together, laughter and love,  and so much fun. Vitamin c and fake hot dogs. Costume jewelry and makeup, the pod to the peas, Halloween parties and Christmas pajamas. Bedazzled and beautiful! Hanging out at mine and yours, the movie store, and trips to waycross.  Some of the things I treasure. I love you Aunt Lynn.